Why Judging People
Judging people makes us feel in control and just a little bit better about ourselves for a small moment.
When we see someone walking down the street who's fit and lean and in shape, what do we sometimes think? "Oh man, that guy's really fit. He has no idea what it's like to
be overweight like me."
"She has probably never had to work hard - she must be naturally thin."
But it's not fair. We only see them in the now.
Ever watched The Biggest Loser on TV? Those folks transform their eating habits and exercise routines to lose weight and change their lives (and often save their lives). While I don't agree with everything on the show (especially the processed "foods" they still eat), I'm constantly amazed and inspired by their transformation journeys (physically, mentally, and emotionally). These people make HUGE lifestyle changes - often going from couch potatoes eating thousands of calories in a sitting to working out for hours a day and eating only a percentage of what they used to consume. They really work hard!
And just like those now-fit people, when we see someone who is successful at what they do, we must remember that we don't know how they started out, what learning curves they faced, or what obstacles they overcame to get there. These prejudgments are unfair to the people we think about AND completely unfair to ourselves.
Think a black thought about someone, anything negative. Feel the energy in your body when you think those dark thoughts. You might even tighten some muscles in your face or body. The energy is sharp, hard. It pushes those people away from us, even if they never hear a word.
Now think something nice about that person. Right now - go ahead.
How do those thoughts feel in your body? Energetically lighter, right? It doesn't bring that heavy rigid feeling with it that some snarky mental comment in our brains does.
The critical mind is an indicator that we aren't feeling fully comfortable with ourselves. So it reaches out for control by judging people. But it not only tears them down, but us down, too. That negative energy that swirls around us, it's really FEAR. Fear we aren't good enough, don't belong, etc. You can recognize fear by it's energy: tight, hard, dark. A loving energy feels big, light, expansive.
Luckily, it can be quite easy to shift from fear to love.
Next time you're tempted to think something bad about someone else, try thinking something nice about YOURSELF instead. NOT in comparison to them, but on your own terms. It instantly makes you feel a little bit better and less likely to silently lash out at someone else's behavior or appearance. If you find yourself still focusing on others, pay attention to what you like and admire about them. Sometimes it's challenging but if you look hard enough you will find something you are positive about - their earrings or their smile or the way they stand up for themselves. Approaching people with love, even silently, does wonders!
Whatever you focus on grows! Spend your energy on what builds you up and stop throwing any energy at judging people or yourself; what tears you (and others) down. Even if they never hear you say a word, negative and anxious thoughts damage and poison from within by making us feel even worse about ourselves.
The bottom line is, who cares what they are doing? We're not a cop or responsible for their choices, so don't put ourselves in the position of judging people and showing them the errs of their ways, you have better things to do! Keep moving forward with your dreams and goals and live by example.
Aside: If you see someone and you admire what they do or how they do it, ask them about it, you might learn something helpful. They'll probably be flattered you asked!
Are Comparisons Making You Feel Lousy?
Swapping Out Toxic Thoughts
Break Free of Anxiety
Get Mentally Tough for Your Success!
Get Honest with Yourself
Create Your Own Luck
What Admiring Others Reveals About You
Return from Judging People to Confident Vision Living